All posts by Paiva

Silent Treatments, Power Trips and Tips to Cope

Are you someone who is the recipient of a silent treatment? If so you totally understand the feeling of being devalued or feeling like someone’s playing with your head or feeling just overwhelmed and frustrated and angry and you have every right to be.

Prefer video? Watch here.

So let’s talk today about silent treatments and why they’re annoying, and

why people do them, okay? More importantly, how you can escape them so

number.

Examples of silent treatments

Someone’s not answering your texts (and you know they’re getting your messages) and they’re just not answering their texts on purpose.

I’m not talking about people who might be at work and busy or dealing with kids and they’re busy with children I mean someone who you know has a certain amount of time or a certain pattern with their texting and suddenly they’re not texting you.

You know exactly when someone is ignoring you right so it’s someone who’s ignoring you through text it’s someone who you’re trying to have a relationship conversation or some kind of a conversation to bring closure or to work through a problem and they’re just sitting there in complete silence. You might even say to them, “do you have anything to say I’ve been talking for a while?”, and they may say, “what do you want me to say?”, or “nothing that I say is going to be right”, so they use a lot of different tactics to avoid answering the ultimate questions or getting to ultimate resolution. Yet, they have no problem throwing it back at you the minute you ask them to say something.

Another form of the silent treatment is giving sort of half answers so you’re saying to them “hey, you seem like you’re not feeling right, you are you mad or something?”, and they say no in a melodramatic way or short answers.

Conversation where your comments or questions do not provoke mutual warmth or answers that don’t initiate intimacy, are a hallmark of another form of silent treatment and punishment.

So, if you work really asking someone how do you feel and they really want it to get to some resolution and they want it intimacy with you they would say something like “well, I’m not really feeling good, I’m upset about something that you did”, or or even “I am upset about something I’d rather just have some space and get back to you later”, so when someone is actually shutting down anything or any form of future conversation with you they are giving you a silent treatment.

This is also someone who you’re always calling them but they’re never calling you or someone who always has to get off of the phone or someone who is never coming to you to visit you or to help you in any way shape or form but you’re always doing things for them now that might be that you’re enabling them.

There could be a lot of reasons for some of these situations that are bringing up but overall you know if someone is giving you a silent treatment why are they doing this because they’re being controlling don’t believe for a second otherwise.

If they’re if they usually text you every hour or you know that they live with their phone in their hip or their hand and suddenly they’re not texting you at all and it’s a dicey situation…it’s a silent treatment.

People who are using control and manipulation {and believe it or not unless someone is blowing up your phone with anger and you have not agitated them now there’s a passive-aggressive issue on the other side of this} hear me out —sometimes people will agitate the other person just to get a reaction and then when that person reacts then this person steps back with a silent treatment!

Why do they call it a silent treatment?

It’s actually something that was used in prisons many many years ago and what they would do in prisons is they would actually take the inmate and not talk to the inmate at all. They would put the inmate in a situation where nobody could actually respond to that inmate sort of like solitary confinement but worse because you could actually see people around you.

No one was allowed to speak to you so being ignored is detrimental to our overall health and happiness; and that in a prison sense was something that was used as a form an alternative actually to physical punishment.

Sometimes emotional abuse can be worse than some physical abuse so treating someone like this is an actual form of punishment.

It’s manipulating.

It’s controlling.

It’s meant to be hurtful

Even if the person that is giving you the silent treatment has had a rough life and yadda-yadda all of that stuff don’t feel bad for them if they’re doing this to you. Don’t feel like you need to break through their exterior wall you don’t have to break through anything when someone is doing that they’re looking for attention from you.

When someone is giving you a silent treatment and they’re shutting down …you’re getting more and more upset you might start crying, over eating, go into depression; there there could be a million different coping strategies that you start reverting to.

Trust me when I say that person that’s giving you the silent treatment wants that to happen I don’t care what they say I don’t care if they say oh well I just didn’t feel like talking at that time or I didn’t know what to say to you or whatever don’t believe it

When someone is giving you giving you the silent treatment — even if it is their “coping strategy” it’s not good once you bring it to someone’s attention that that’s something that they’re doing that is hurting you they need to get help they need to open a book they need to watch a video they need to go to therapy they need to do something to address that issue.

It’s not your problem.

For more information on how to deal with a Silent Treatment, here is a video (some of the information in the beginning will be a repeat of the above).

Silent Treatment Power Trips (and Tips to Cope)

Are you boring your audience like a bad date?

You don’t want to see this staring back at you.

It’s not just a boring presentation or a lackluster presentation.

It’s a vibe. It’s a domino of “what the heck” if you allow boredom to become a common space in your business.

Let me explain. We already know that many up and coming celebrities love shock value. We know that there is money upon money and creativity upon creativity funneled into football games and playoffs.

Why?

To keep people engaged. We get that. But WHY? Is it really just about entertaining them? Keeping your brand on their frontal lobe?

Here’s what happens when your leads, prospects or consumers get bored; then you will understand more why it’s important to keep them engaged.

Imagine you are in a meeting, a really boring meeting, in a room that is stuffy. No windows to even look out of. Horrible flickering cheap fluorescent lighting. A lackluster speaker who is bitter and not interested in you any more than you, him.

Your brain is like “This isn’t helping our survival, at all. Let’s think about collecting berries.

You’ve got to stay very controlled to not yawn, to not daydream, to not just fake illness and crawl out the door.

You’ve got to make yourself “busy” by creating activity. Maybe you find yourself doodling, or take more notes than usual, or taking less notes but caressing your pen. Your brain is feeling sllllloooowwww so you need to counter it by creating “fast”.. you might crave sugar, a coffee, find yourself needing to go to the “bathroom” just to get up and walk.

You also need to be filled with the willpower of a thousand warriors, to just sit there and be awake, focused and glean whatever you can. You might even start to feel bitter.

“What am I doing here anyway? I don’t need this. I could be surfing/doing yoga, knitting my hermit crab a sweater/learning opera (you get the idea) instead of THIS”.

As a sidebar, ADHD looks a lot like this and I, as well as many other licensed professionals, feel that while it is a “diagnoses” is it a known diagnoses if elimination; meaning, it’s not a thing, only a thing when there’s no other diagnosable thing. Personally, every person I’ve ever met with “ADHD” is what I call, “Bright and bored”.. anyway, off my rant.

The bottom line is, that if your consumer, lead, prospect, boss, whomever it is that you need to be engaged, is bored, then you know that they are putting a lot of energy into being:

  • Controlled
  • Slow to Fast
  • Willful

They are losing dopamine like crazzyyy because they don’t feel a lot of hope that things are going to get better; so once they spend all this energy and then realize that it’s a sinking ship, they throw the white flag up and just exist. They are not engaged, they are not interested, and you’ve not only lost them in the now, but you might have lost them forever.

Here’s why.

Imagine you are on a date with your prospect. You’ve bored them. Maybe they have had a few nice dates with you…until now. You are boring them. They start to think that you don’t have what it takes to meet mom anymore. Suddenly, they can survive without. They are looking around, playing with their food and you are like “blah blah blah” oblivious to their body language and feelings and their needs, and they are hoping an emergency call comes through to be saved from your “glow” of meh.

Now, if they are not into you… you won’t have a great chance of wooing them back, because they might know how great you can be but they also have had a taste of the dingy laundry you as well. It’s going to be a hard sell.

This is why it is so important to keep your prospects engaged. I’ll talk more about how to do this on the next blog, because I don’t want your business to suffer from lack of showing your charisma-vibe that you do have – even if you think you have a boring business or that you are not so illuminating – not so! You can be the belle of your own ball. In fact, you better be.

You are not dingy laundry.

Are You A Yes Mess Stress?

(Transcribed from podcast)

Let’s talk about understanding human weakness and how to stop saying “yes” all of the time.

Especially if you’re dealing with a narcissist or someone who has taken advantage of you, what could it feel like and what are they doing?

This is going to be more so for you to observe. When you can observe these behaviors, you can actually distance from them. You can’t distance from something that you don’t understand, right?

So let’s get to it.

We need to think about …are you really tired of being deceived? Or, now hear me out, is it serving you if you continue to be deceived by other people?

I had this in my life, so I am totally open about talking about it. If you are continually being deceived, you get to be a victim. I had this for a long time in my life, and it really was horrible. I want you to learn from my mistakes. Also, on a professional level, I’ve seen so many clients really deal with this and they’ve come up on the other side, so I want to help you as well.

(1) First, I want you to really look at the faces and the lives of people who are yes people. These are the people that can’t say no.

Now, you might be one of them.

I want you to not be a yes mess.

I want you to think about the people that are always saying yes.

This might be you again. You might feel like you’re being pathetic.

You might feel taken advantage of.

You might feel like you’re tired all of the time.

You might feel meek or foolishly surrendering to people you don’t even know or like, or organizations or entities that you just don’t really feel that passionate about.

Even if you do, maybe you don’t have the time to devote to these people or entities or corporations or nonprofits or schools or whatever.

Understand that when you are constantly surrendering your energy, you’re going to be exhausted. And guess what?

For many people, this happens a lot.

As soon as they get rid of one source of exhaustion, they will replace it with another source of exhaustion.

For me personally, what happened to me as I was working with a bunch of people who actually did not treat me with respect at all, and I got out of that environment. And then I started working on my own. Now, this is years and years ago- over 30 years ago. I started working on my own as an entrepreneur. I was very young. It was tough.

But guess what I did. I actually would attract clients that would not respect me!

So what was the difference? Whether I’m working for someone else or whether I’m an entrepreneur if I am giving out this signal, “Hey, don’t respect me,” I’m going to get exactly what I deserve at that moment, and that is not to be respected.

When I say that I didn’t deserve it, it’s because I’m the one that was wearing that costume of “Hey, don’t respect me.” So it took me to learn to take off that costume and step into my truth.

Now, when you have that — when you understand that you are face to face, looking at yourself in the mirror, and you are revealing that you are a yes mess, I want you to stop and I want you to become a no -body (not to be confused with a “nobody”.

Again..a giant NO body, so a spiritual body that says no, a no body. That’s what I want you to think about.

You are a spiritual self, that is not going to say yes to anything that doesn’t serve your soul.

How to avoid being a Yes Mess Stress.

You want to pretend that you are also ensuring that your soul, this beautiful energy you are, is filled with vitality. If you give and give, you won’t have that vitality. You won’t have it for you or those that you love.

Saying “yes” too often is a spiritual albatross. You can’t allow yourself to gasp for energetic air and feel good at the end of the day. Instead; find at least three things right now that require your pressing attention that have to do with you only. Perhaps it is your need for more sleep. Or you need to cook healthy food for yourself. Maybe reach out to a positive friend, or go to your spiritual center – a church, temple, sangha, whatever it might be.

If you say yes to anything that is not helping you to get into these spaces that you need; get the visual of being a “Yes Mess”… like frayed knot. Instead, a NO body- a cloud-like mist, that is there for positivity only, is your goal. A mist that can be reenergized and spark creativity, love and vitality.

Comment below the three areas of your life that you need to focus on, to stay away from being a Yes Mess Stress.


When Your Mother Has Passed

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T-cells

If you are like many of our clients, you may have physical struggles like Fibromyalgia or other auto-immune disorders or, at “best”, you might be highly stressed.

You might look in the mirror and feel that you just look stressed as if you can reach out and touch the stress on your face.

You might feel that you are (over)aging before your eyes… and the truth is, you just might be, and here is why and what you can do about it.

T-Cells

Your body is filled with “T-Cells” which are lymphocytes (white blood cells) produced and processed by the thymus gland (a gland that pretty much stops being active after your teen years but does continue to start a little dance that stimulates the body to produce those T-cells), which is very important; because this is part of the immune system response. When things go crazy, that’s when autoimmune system issues surface.

But.. check this out.

T-cells are like your silent, brawny superpower.

Millions of them swimming around, hunting down cells that are germy or, are cancerous. There’s also “helper” T-cells, and they all help prevent and address immunity.

So, think of T-cells as bouncers, escorting the trouble-making lowlifes out of your body. 


Also, T-cells are influenced by outside influences as well, not only what’s happening in your cells and the squatter germs that they might be housing.

Some of these outside influences might include past abuse, emotional pain, that time you were embarrassed in front of a crowd, trauma, a creepy boss, a boundary crossing neighbor, too much time in the sun, overdoing exercise – you get the idea.. pretty much any stress that you are not able to manage with ease.

Like any brawl, it can get ugly …quick. 

Your T-cells, although biologically well-meaning, can start to cause you to have increased protein and DNA damage that often results in the look of premature aging. 

There’s something called ROS, which is reactive oxygen species that is a totally normal and important part of metabolism, but when your body is under stress, ROS is like a frantic friend who doesn’t know how to help you. So it starts doing everything.

Overboard.

ROS goes crazy trying to fight whatever might be there, and your T-cells are now freaking out and then it’s just a mess.

This is where you now in total imbalance. When this happens, from physical or emotional stress, you can start to have tired, weaker skin. Over time, this can turn into a chronic condition.

This is how Gold Reishi was born; I wanted to create something that topically, would address the outer dermal layer and help the T-cell modulation, that was natural and beneficial.

Tips you can start right now, to help T-Cell modulation

1. Lots of green, leafy vegetables 

2. Drop the processed drinks and foods

3. Cut sugar. Cut junk. If you are trying to make up reasons why you need sugar or junk, go grab the Naked Truth program eGuide (it’s free)

4. Hydrate. This helps your body and mood, lowers stress, and helps flush toxins out.

5. Increase mushroom consumption, including Reishi Mushrooms

6. Grab the Gold Reishi mask and bath soak, and give yourself some wellness-focused love.

Comment below to let me know what you are struggling with as this will help me develop formulas for you or if you’ve had some of the stressors that I’ve mentioned.