3 Ways Uncomfortable Emotions Help Love & Life

The other day, I had this incredible massage. It was an ancient Ayurvedic head massage and during it, it brought up feelings of sadness, anger, release and deep relaxation. The range of emotions was cathartic. It got me thinking that so often, we deny the feelings that often come up in the process of a healing or release, and we chase the “happy” instead, never quite getting there.

Having the massage was an act of compassion; sure the massage therapist is a professional, but the work unto itself, is incredibly compassionate. She must connect to the stress of another on some level, to be able to experience where she, as the guide, must direct energy to release the stress. The act of receiving is also compassion; I am caring about myself enough to experience the healing process, to be guided, to release some control and to accept the outcome.

So, how do we bring an emotional “massage” to our life, daily?

  1. Look deeply at our own confusion or disturbing thoughts. These wake us up. We spend a lot of energy in avoiding the biggies. You know you are resisting when we find yourself distracting yourself from your goals or authenticity. (TV & Social Networking are two BIGGIES for this)
  2. Accept our anger or aggression. This is a powerful grouping of emotions that help us develop clarity! There is an energy behind them that is powerful, but we are often taught to stuff them down. Don’t! When you feel this overwhelm, it can help you to learn patience. Stuffing it down, ignoring it- this is not patience. Patience means looking at it, experiencing it, and creating an emotional solution. The emotional solution might be as simple as “Wow, this situation bothers me… I wonder what is under the obvious?”… deep inquiry is an act of love.
  3. Sometimes, we have feelings and emotions of passions or temptations. Passions are wonderful, but they are often filled with attachment. By observing passions as fleeting experiences, we can learn to enjoy without attachment, which is a practice. We can do this even with lifelong passions that we never eliminate.

It feels good to experience confusion from time to time. It leads us to clarity. Without confusion once in a while, there would be no clarity.

It feels releasing to experience anger periodically. It can feel amazing to appreciate a passion.

Applying this to Love?

  1. It’s OK to feel confused or “out of love” from time to time, if partnered. It is OK to feel lonely or frustrated if you are alone. Don’t resist or paint a happy face, when your mind and body are telling you to take time to reflect. Often in these darker moments or when you see yourself as an archetype shadow of shame, are the moments that we see on the other side of this, as the greatest intimacy builders with others and with ourselves.
  2. Don’t walk on eggshells. Don’t sacrifice being open with the false shroud of keeping peace. It is not peaceful to self-sacrifice your feelings, desires, needs or right to be respected. It’s actually incredibly unhealthy. Most people that learn to “stuff” emotions find that they battle weight, thyroid, metabolic and auto-immune struggles… why? Because the body is being taught to ignore and be last-place. Don’t put yourself in last place.
  3. Passion is meant to be felt, and the temporary quality it might have is also, a gift. There is vulnerability in love; there is a sense of wanting to hold on to keep the alive feeling of infatuation and early love alive. Enjoy it… enjoy the vulnerability.. it’s so tender… don’t ignore it and assume it is the same as fear; and cover it up. You’ll miss out on some great vibes!

Your emotions are many, and the experiences and situations that bring them are so personal. Denying any of this is to limit your “awake” quality- or zen -of life.

~Michele Paiva

PS check out my programs at programs.michelepaiva.com