Although this time year is filled with festivities and gatherings, songs and sales; the reality is that many people suffer some level of holiday depression or anxiety.
There is so much "around us" that screams "happy" that we may feel that we are not feeling correctly if we feel sad, anti-climatic or even wishing the season were over.
Some of us may have strong spiritual beliefs that make us feel guilty for not embracing the season more.
Most of our anxiety comes from holding expectations too high; this can be our own expectations of ourselves or, expectations of others. It can also be on the financial side; where we expect to be able to purchase, give OR receive a certain level of gifts. We may expect to create a certain type of a meal or festivity.
Some anxiety that is common this time of year could be travel or visits with family and friends. Perhaps you don't like to entertain or travel and you may be throwing yourself or feeling forced into these situations. This can cause anxiety.
Depression often comes from loss or perceived loss. There could have been a death of a loved one, a loved one that is alive but can't visit, or a relationship that has disintegrated or ended.
The holiday season, from Thanksgiving to New Years, consumes us with emotions. As a child we had strong emotions normally because of the magic and excitement we felt on many levels; we were not expected to reason much but just enjoy. For some, there was abuse or witnessing parents or relatives who abused alcohol or had their own battles with anxiety and depression. Either way, we were too young to process some of the emotions.
Fast forward into adulthood and we now recall memories that were fond or negative and the triggers we experience every year just remind us of these situations, relationships and issues.
As the years go on, this feeling or set of feelings just doesn't just vanish; in fact, it actually compiles as we experience more and more stress, and as we sink into more and more depression or anxiety, the cheerful sights and sounds around us become painful and overwhelming.
Enter, holiday depression and anxiety.
Adding to the mix is the real possibility of Seasonal Affective Disorder, a seasonal depression that can make a person hyper and experience insomnia and anxiety in the summer and depression and fatigue in the winter with the shorter days.
If you feel you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder, you should seek a health professional if it feels severe, but you could attempt to address is by common remedies such getting at least 20 minutes of sunlight a day, taking vitamin D, being more active both physically and mentally and making sure that you have a very strict bed time and awakening time.
For holiday depression, there are some coping skills you can learn such as:
- Keeping your expectations of yourself and others lower. There is no need to put undue stress on yourself for the sake of anything. When you place stress on yourself you are telling yourself that you are, in the present moment, not good enough. When you place an expectation on others, you are assuming that they need to live up to your standards and that isn't fair, so you are causing undue stress on yourself. Keep your expectations in check, in fact, expect the minimum if you are prone to being let down by others or yourself.
-Realize that you will have memories, both positive and negative, but that you have the opportunity to experience the responses those memories in your power. You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be the master of your mental health. Try to focus on realizing that the past is in the past and to create the memories that you would look fondly back upon. It's alright to miss someone or to have moments of sadness but, you can embrace traditions and experiences that you've had and add to them with new experiences.
- Volunteer or help someone else. I know it may be the hardest thing to motivate yourself right now, but volunteering with an organization or just helping a friend or neighbor can really change your perception. Even if you are an introverted, shy person or have physical limitations, you could probably go to a dollar store and get a couple of gloves for a child in a disadvantaged situation or write a few cards and deliver to a hospital, or just write to someone who is lonely on a social network or in email. There are so many ways to touch someone's life. When you extend your arm you are reaching to a bigger world around you.
- Focus on enjoying something new, and if money is tight, make it something free or inexpensive. If you enjoy nature, drive to a park and feed the birds. Look at the cardinals and other snow-loving creatures. If you love festivities but feel less than inclined to decorate yourself, perhaps a drive to look at homes lit up. If you are not in the mood to make latkes or christmas cookies, go buy a few.
-Do not assume that just because people are happy that it could be that they are acting happy but not feeling happy. Realize that even the most outwardly happy person could be struggling inside in some way also; so you are not alone. We all have bittersweet moments during the holidays; it is natural to feel a range of emotions. Don't negate how you feel but don't dwell on the negative.
Above all, know that you are not alone.
This is a time of year that can bring great joy but also, sadness, a void or anxiety. Be mindful of this. In yoga, we focus often of being in the present moment. Since we do this, we take inventory of where we are in the now. Where we are is not always pleasant but it is not permanent either. Realizing that "this too shall pass" is good to remember when you feel anxious or sad.
The New Year can be the hardest of all; it is a milestone and people often think about their resolutions not met, goals not achieved and the trauma of the past year.
These are all just days. Days of symbolism no doubt, but days like any other day, and you can control each of your days. Yes, sadness and anxiety can seem to ambush you but allow yourself to feel it and allow yourself to own it. Work through it, and experience it.
How to handle triggers of the holiday season:
1. Realize that you'll feel possibly feel sad or anxious. Just being aware to expect it is healthy. Expecting it to vanish is denial and unrealistic.
2. Plan diversions such as above, with volunteerism and activities.
3. Learn to forgive and let go.
4. Set new traditions.
5. Allow yourself time to experience the memories or moments. Do not deny yourself.
When in doubt, work it out with a professional.
It is my hope that you have a true, happy holiday season be it Christmas, Hanukkah, Secular or otherwise, and that you have peace in your heart, and are able to create a holiday of harmony.
[Please pass along to anyone who may need this extra "boost" of help. You never know who is struggling inside]
There is so much "around us" that screams "happy" that we may feel that we are not feeling correctly if we feel sad, anti-climatic or even wishing the season were over.
Some of us may have strong spiritual beliefs that make us feel guilty for not embracing the season more.
Most of our anxiety comes from holding expectations too high; this can be our own expectations of ourselves or, expectations of others. It can also be on the financial side; where we expect to be able to purchase, give OR receive a certain level of gifts. We may expect to create a certain type of a meal or festivity.
Some anxiety that is common this time of year could be travel or visits with family and friends. Perhaps you don't like to entertain or travel and you may be throwing yourself or feeling forced into these situations. This can cause anxiety.
Depression often comes from loss or perceived loss. There could have been a death of a loved one, a loved one that is alive but can't visit, or a relationship that has disintegrated or ended.
The holiday season, from Thanksgiving to New Years, consumes us with emotions. As a child we had strong emotions normally because of the magic and excitement we felt on many levels; we were not expected to reason much but just enjoy. For some, there was abuse or witnessing parents or relatives who abused alcohol or had their own battles with anxiety and depression. Either way, we were too young to process some of the emotions.
Fast forward into adulthood and we now recall memories that were fond or negative and the triggers we experience every year just remind us of these situations, relationships and issues.
As the years go on, this feeling or set of feelings just doesn't just vanish; in fact, it actually compiles as we experience more and more stress, and as we sink into more and more depression or anxiety, the cheerful sights and sounds around us become painful and overwhelming.
Enter, holiday depression and anxiety.
Adding to the mix is the real possibility of Seasonal Affective Disorder, a seasonal depression that can make a person hyper and experience insomnia and anxiety in the summer and depression and fatigue in the winter with the shorter days.
If you feel you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder, you should seek a health professional if it feels severe, but you could attempt to address is by common remedies such getting at least 20 minutes of sunlight a day, taking vitamin D, being more active both physically and mentally and making sure that you have a very strict bed time and awakening time.
For holiday depression, there are some coping skills you can learn such as:
- Keeping your expectations of yourself and others lower. There is no need to put undue stress on yourself for the sake of anything. When you place stress on yourself you are telling yourself that you are, in the present moment, not good enough. When you place an expectation on others, you are assuming that they need to live up to your standards and that isn't fair, so you are causing undue stress on yourself. Keep your expectations in check, in fact, expect the minimum if you are prone to being let down by others or yourself.
-Realize that you will have memories, both positive and negative, but that you have the opportunity to experience the responses those memories in your power. You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be the master of your mental health. Try to focus on realizing that the past is in the past and to create the memories that you would look fondly back upon. It's alright to miss someone or to have moments of sadness but, you can embrace traditions and experiences that you've had and add to them with new experiences.
- Volunteer or help someone else. I know it may be the hardest thing to motivate yourself right now, but volunteering with an organization or just helping a friend or neighbor can really change your perception. Even if you are an introverted, shy person or have physical limitations, you could probably go to a dollar store and get a couple of gloves for a child in a disadvantaged situation or write a few cards and deliver to a hospital, or just write to someone who is lonely on a social network or in email. There are so many ways to touch someone's life. When you extend your arm you are reaching to a bigger world around you.
- Focus on enjoying something new, and if money is tight, make it something free or inexpensive. If you enjoy nature, drive to a park and feed the birds. Look at the cardinals and other snow-loving creatures. If you love festivities but feel less than inclined to decorate yourself, perhaps a drive to look at homes lit up. If you are not in the mood to make latkes or christmas cookies, go buy a few.
-Do not assume that just because people are happy that it could be that they are acting happy but not feeling happy. Realize that even the most outwardly happy person could be struggling inside in some way also; so you are not alone. We all have bittersweet moments during the holidays; it is natural to feel a range of emotions. Don't negate how you feel but don't dwell on the negative.
Above all, know that you are not alone.
This is a time of year that can bring great joy but also, sadness, a void or anxiety. Be mindful of this. In yoga, we focus often of being in the present moment. Since we do this, we take inventory of where we are in the now. Where we are is not always pleasant but it is not permanent either. Realizing that "this too shall pass" is good to remember when you feel anxious or sad.
The New Year can be the hardest of all; it is a milestone and people often think about their resolutions not met, goals not achieved and the trauma of the past year.
These are all just days. Days of symbolism no doubt, but days like any other day, and you can control each of your days. Yes, sadness and anxiety can seem to ambush you but allow yourself to feel it and allow yourself to own it. Work through it, and experience it.
How to handle triggers of the holiday season:
1. Realize that you'll feel possibly feel sad or anxious. Just being aware to expect it is healthy. Expecting it to vanish is denial and unrealistic.
2. Plan diversions such as above, with volunteerism and activities.
3. Learn to forgive and let go.
4. Set new traditions.
5. Allow yourself time to experience the memories or moments. Do not deny yourself.
When in doubt, work it out with a professional.
It is my hope that you have a true, happy holiday season be it Christmas, Hanukkah, Secular or otherwise, and that you have peace in your heart, and are able to create a holiday of harmony.
[Please pass along to anyone who may need this extra "boost" of help. You never know who is struggling inside]
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